when i got home from…
when i got home from work in the early afternoon today i decided to nap. i set the alarm on my phone. it was ungodly hot outside but my bedroom was quite cool. it's shaded by vines and a very large weeping willow. i put on a camisole and then had to cover up with the duvet because i was too cold. i had the oddest dream. i don't remember the bulk of it but i do remember the ending because it woke me. in the dream i had walked down an unfamiliar alley. it was paved and the pavement was dark and damp. the air was humid. it was dusk or possibly just before dawn. i saw a figure come toward me. it looked like a person on all fours but as it neared i realized it was a baby elephant. it was missing its trunk. someone had sawed it off. the calf was stumbling and trying to call for help but could barely stand. the wound was bleeding profusely and i realized that the humidity and dampness was from the blood it had shed. in waking life i have a high tolerance for scenes of gore. one can't grow up on a farm or in a rural area and not be exposed to the slaughter of animals or farm accidents. i don't typically panic or grow faint. but in my dream i collapsed alongside the calf. i was so sick i couldn't compose myself. and i was so furious i wanted to annihilate the person responsible for harming so defenseless a creature. i got to my feet eventually and somehow tugged the calf into a warehouse and behind some boxes. then i heard voices and looked up to see a gang of teenage boys with jackknives yelling at me to give back the elephant. first i tried to retreat but i realized that there was nowhere else to go. then i flew into such a rage. i bared my teeth and lashed out at my attackers. they didn't go away altogether but i was able to make an opening in the tin of the warehouse siding and drag the wounded calf onto a barge. as i floated down the river injured animals would sometimes appear from the fog and i would hoist them onto the barge. i realized i didn't have enough money to care for all of them and that i'd have to quit my job to look after them. i started crying. then i found myself in the sitting room of an old man and woman. the man was whittling and watching t.v. and the woman was knitting. i was begging the man to loan me money to get the animals to a sanctuary. the man was sympathetic but the woman was incredulous and cold. i tried to explain things to her as calmly as i could but her persistent iciness sent me into a fit of sobbing. i just kept saying "i'll pay you back, if it's with my blood!" so melodramatic. but i woke up at that point because i couldn't breathe. i was laying on my belly with the duvet twisted around me. panting. my closed eyes were throbbing and when i opened them accumulated tears came pouring out. i sat up and my alarm went off. lately my body has had this peculiar way of waking me just before my alarm sounds. i suppose to someone who knows me the dream and its meaning are fairly obvious and i know that job stress certainly plays a part. i just wish my off-the-clock brain were a tad subtler.
duck eggs. long walks (when i have the time). visits with my father and sis. cold plums stolen under cover of darkness from the tree across town. mirabelles ripening. hiding under my headphones at 6 a.m. listening to paris 1919. reading the funny russian phrasebooks my dad lent me from his time at fort monmouth back in the 40s. if i need to stock up on ordnance or ask where the mess hall is i'm all set.
wellidy. time for sleep. and so.