something very strange happened to…
something very strange happened to me a few days ago. it put me in a rather bad mood. so i've not been up to the task of blogging.
on sunday morning i was thinking of a good friend of mine from high school. her birthday is coming up in a few days. she's had a rough past few years. so. i mentioned her name in conversation that morning and the name of her ex-husband. i haven't had contact with either of them for about four years. sunday evening found me turning soil with a garden spade. the sun was getting ready to set but there was still time for getting in a bit more work. i pushed the nose of the spade into the soil and was straining to lever out the earth when i heard someone say my name. i looked up. a ghost. i completely froze. there was my friend's ex-husband. i wasn't particularly happy to see him. he walked up and hugged me hard. then he started telling me about the last four years of his life. about miami beach and haitian fish markets and the sands of utah and tales not fit to write here. and i still hadn't really moved. then he said i've thought about you a lot. you're really special to me. when i was traveling i kept picturing you. you're an angel. i realized i should have married you instead of k—. hearing what he had to say pissed me off on a number of different levels. i'm still pissed about it. i just keep asking myself in which world did he think saying those things to me would please me? first of all they progress from the premise that i harbored some kind of reciprocal feelings. i don't. i never have. but let's say i did for the sake of argument. what girl doesn't love to be told she's someone's second choice? hey thanks! i don't have the desire to be anyone's second choice. that's just not good enough for me. and everything he said was delivered in this very i'm-doing-you-a-favor tone. f*******ck no. my friend divorced him for a very good reason. which brings me to my last circle of disgust. he talked about my good friend –someone i love very much– as though she was only worthy of disdain. staggering. i am astounded at how completely clueless and disrespectful he is. normally i wouldn't write something like this here. at least not in such an explicit fashion. i usually try to be a bit more oblique about personal things. a bit more veiled. but it is very unlikely that anyone involved will read this. and i really needed to vent. i'm still pissed.
oddly enough this isn't the first time one of my friends' ex-husbands/ex-boyfriends has said this sort of thing to me. and only once was i not offended. in that instance the ex-boyfriend in question said he couldn't work up the nerve to tell me how he felt. consequently he went out with my friend instead because she asked him to. also we were eighteen or so. forgivable. but when guys are still saying the same sorts of things at 30 or 35 the varnish has really worn off that chestnut.
in other (cheerier) news…
two wee packages arrived. a vintage esterbrook! yay! marbled grey. so pretty. i need to replace the ink sac though. also a package of the sheerest grey cotton lawn. beautiful. i wrapped it around me and the way it draped at my neck made me want to make a dress straight from the face of an amphora. so i think in the future i'll need to get more of this lovely stuff. and though i hate hate hate urban outfitters with a burning passion look at these lovely sandals. they would go nicely with the dress in my mind's eye.
i apologize for the nature of this post. and rereading it makes me want to delete it. i might yet. but for now it will stand.
oh. and for the record. i'm not that angelic. i just sometimes have good manners. not always though. is that the same thing?
grr. and i'm not angered by being called angelic really. a very lovely person once called me that. and it made my knees go melt-y. it's in the context of sunday's events that the word takes on a distastefulness.
anyway. i go.